The Thorns in My Flesh

Ingrid Wijngaarde, 01-01-2023

The mess I have made in my life,
The irreparable damage I have done,
The people who have been damaged,
Others, who have suffered eternal loss to their souls ...

They are beams of thorns in my flesh, constantly pricking me and wounding my soul.
Constantly I cry out for mercy, healing for the afflicted and removal of torment.

"Lord, save me from this body of death!"

And each time a gentle voice comes,
"My mercy for you is more than enough."

I cry and plead,
"But Lord, I do not experience Your mercy, for guilt weighs heavily on me!
I know my sins, they stand perpetually before me.
Don't punish others for my sins!
Do not take Your Spirit away from me!
Lord, when will I see that You have really given me grace?
I don't feel it. I don't see it. I fast and pray, but You do not move."

Then He says:
"What do you want Me to do?
Make the consequences of your actions disappear: make the damaged whole, raise the dead?
No, you must learn that the blood of Jesus cleanses you from all iniquity.
It washes you whiter than snow.
It cleanses you as with hyssop.
Stay you in Him. I will take care of the souls of those you worry about."

Then I have peace again, for a while ...
Until the next nervous breakdown ...

(Gal.1:13; 2 Cor.12:7-9; 2 Sam.12; Ps.51; Ps.32)